Dont's for your Personal Statement - from an Oxford Student
Tarun Rao, student at Oxford University, shares with us his top ‘don’ts’ for writing your university applications personal statements.
These are written from the perspective of a Law student at Oxford; hence I am less able to comment on peculiarities that may come up outside of Social Sciences subjects. Nevertheless, the general principles below should apply regardless of subject.
If you are writing a personal statement for a subject in the humanities/arts/social sciences I strongly recommend reading George Orwell’s Six Rules for Writing while writing your personal statement and ensuring that your personal statement does not breach any of these six rules.
In addition to the above, below are some of the most common (and deadly)!
Convoluted Phrasing
A common mistake in personal statements is overly convoluted phrasing. This can take the form of sentences that are too long, the use of a confusing structure, and arguments/statements that are inconsistent. Often this signifies a lack of proofreading or a rushed personal statement.
A useful task to do to avoid this mistake is to seek feedback on your personal statement from friends or family. In addition, it is very useful to read aloud your personal statement to yourself in the mirror.
Imbalances between different sections
The reader of your personal statement will likely be looking for some combination of the following requirements.
Academic interest in the topic.
Transferable skills that are useful for the study of the topic.
Any relevant achievements related to this subject, either academically or in extracurriculars/work experience.
Therefore, a good personal statement needs to address all three requirements. ‘Weak’ personal statements from otherwise talented students often miss one of the three requirements above.
As a side point, this is also why your personal statement needs to be tailored to the specific course that you are applying for.
Not unpacking key topics
A common mistake made when writing a personal statement is to merely mention an academic controversy, or area of debate, without really “unpacking” it. Unpacking refers to a process of explaining what is relevant about a topic that interests you and showing to the reader that you have thought about this subject in detail. This step of your personal statement is vital for applications for courses in the humanities or social sciences.
To illustrate
Here is a quote from an early draft of my personal statement, which mentioned an area of constitutional law (the law that binds governments and political systems) I found interesting. The excerpt was from a first (and very imperfect) draft.
‘In that context, one element of Indian constitutional law, the Basic Structure Doctrine, which emerged after the seminal case Kesavananda Bharati v. State of Kerala stood out to me due to its influence in countries with similar judicial systems. The doctrine states that there are certain fundamental elements to a country’s constitution, such as the Rule of Law and Separation of powers, which cannot be modified or altered by the respective country’s parliament. What interested me in particular was the reasoning for its non adoption in the Singaporean context in Teo Soh Lung v. Minister for Home Affairs, and what it illustrated about the Singaporean Constitution about the Singaporean Parliament being able to modify all elements of the constitution without judicial review.’
This quote is unhelpful since it does not tell the reader anything useful, besides the fact that both Singapore and India have a constitution, and the constitution of the former can be amended much more easily than the latter. Common sense, or looking at a Wikipedia article, could have told you that; ChatGPT would probably give you a similar output. Let’s try working on that quote a bit.
‘One element of Indian constitutional law emerging after Kesavananda Bharati v. State of Kerala, the Basic Structure Doctrine, stood out to me due to its resonance with legal developments in Singapore. It states that there are certain concepts so fundamental to a country’s constitution, such as the rule of law and separation of powers, which should not be modified by any nation’s parliament. Yet in Teo Soh Lung v. Minister for Home Affairs, a nation whose post-colonial legal system shares historical similarities with India’s, held that the doctrine did not apply to Singapore’s constitution. I was drawn to the contrast between the Indian Constitutions with their basic, unalterable principles, which held final authority, and the Singaporean Constitution, where all its components could be altered depending on the wishes of a democratically elected government and parliament.’
This quote, from a later draft of my personal statement, is slightly better. It gives a clearer idea of what is involved, but it still sounds less like we have a genuine interest in this subject and more like polished ChatGPT regurgitation. What if we were to incorporate our own personal thoughts into it?
‘One element of Indian constitutional law emerging after Kesavananda Bharati v. State of Kerala, the Basic Structure Doctrine, stood out to me due to its resonance with legal developments in Singapore. It states that there are certain concepts so fundamental to a country's constitution, such as the rule of law and separation of powers, which should not be modified or altered by any nation's parliament. Yet Teo Soh Lung v. Minister for Home Affairs, in a nation whose post-colonial constitution shares historical similarities with India's, held that the doctrine did not apply to Singapore's constitution. The notion that my fundamental rights as a Singaporean could be hypothetically erased by a future government makes me worried about my country's approach to the constitution. Yet preserving an antiquated constitution that resists evolution will not muster the confidence of the public.’
This quote, while not perfect, does much of what a personal statement is supposed to do in showing passion or interest in a subject, while acknowledging the nuances and complexities involved.
This is essentially what the process of unpacking means; it involves finding a topic you care about and explaining to the reader of your personal statement why that is significant to you. Good grades, Competition medals, extracurriculars, and work experience are all important in any Oxbridge application. At the same time, interest in an academic area gives the reader of your personal statement a reason to invite you to an interview, if only to hear about your opinions.
All the best!
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