So you’re going to study in the UK, eh?

Although most universities are really international, you will likely find yourself talking to some people who seem to be just making words up as they go. Who came up with the accent anyway??

Learn from my mistakes.

This is a short collection of phrases that took me by surprise - I’ve added the absolute worst way you can respond to each (and a decent response as well, in case you were wondering).

But before we jump in, you may have noticed a short-lived trend on Instagram/Twitter/TikTok of people mocking the Brittish accent. Here’s the best one, just to get you in the mood:

Coming in number 5:

“Do you want to buy a plastic bag, love?”

What you should not say:

“Love you too.”

“I’m flattered, but I really only came here for these frozen pizzas.”

“Let’s run away together.”

What the phrase actually means:

“Love” is just a replacement for “mate”. “You wanna bag, mate?”. Unless your spouse says it of course.

So don’t start planning weddings when a stranger calls you “love”. (Or do, but keep the feelings to yourself)

Numero 4:

“Fancy a cheeky Nandos?”

Most commonly said by: Your lazy flatmate, Facebook meme page, Nandos marketing team

What you should not say:

“I actually don’t like Nandos”

Seriously. The Britts will butcher you. They’ll name you the “guy who doesn’t like Nandos”. They’ll ask you whether you’ve tried the sauce. Having teased you for a good 5 minutes, they’ll get serious again and just say “okay let’s go to Nandos”.

I’m still investigating, but it is possible Nandos is a sort of religion for the British…

What the phrase means:

“Do you want to eat at Nandos?”.

“Cheeky” is, I assume, just a way to make the question seem more casual. Kind of like they don’t even want Nandos, they are half-joking about it… But if you’re down, they’ll practically run to the restaurant.

If you really don’t want Nandos, say you just ate. Disliking Nandos is forbidden by law.

Number 3, a simple one:

"You alright?”

Ah, the classic.

This should be fair enough, no?

Most commonly said: When someone is passing you by

What you shouldn’t say:

“Actually, this has been quite a challenging few weeks but it’s starting to…”

NO.

The Britts are busy, I believe, to their afternoon tea. They don't have time to actually listen to how you’re doing.

“You alright?” is sort of just an acknowledgement that they’ve seen you. They won’t even except an answer from you. Just bounce the question back at them, smile and walk faster past them to escape the awkwardness.

Other cultures would just settle for a “hi” or even a nod. But the Britts want to make it weird.

Coming in at second place:

“Gutted.” As in “I’m so gutted they didn’t play Mr. Brightside today”

Mosly commonly said by: Your talkative friend Britanny

What not to say:

“The song ain’t even that good.”

The same thing as with Nandos. It’s a religion.

And the last phrase (or concept?) that I really didn’t get when I moved to the UK is….

Beans

Yes.

Just beans.

The British (food) culture seems to revolve around those nasty food items you try to feed the dog when no one’s watching.

Beans on toast. Beans on pizza. Beans on beans.

If you want to spark a convo with a Britt, just start talking about ‘em beans.

Just go with the joke (maybe it isn’t a joke?). Don’t question the Britts.

Hope this has helped you understand the (weird) British language and culture a bit more.

Cheers!